Most people believe they’re pushing themselves in the gym. But the reality? They stop when it starts to feel uncomfortable, not when they’ve actually reached failure (or close enough to it).
Research shows that to maximise muscle growth, you need to train within 1–3 reps of failure – the point where you physically cannot complete another rep. But here’s the problem: most people drastically underestimate what that actually feels like.
Studies have found that when lifters are asked to leave “2 reps in reserve,” they often stop 5 or more reps too soon. That means they’re not even close to the level of effort needed to stimulate real muscle growth.
If your reps aren’t slowing down on their own, if you’re not grinding through that last one, you’re stopping too early. And if you don’t train close to failure, you’re wasting time in the gym if your goal is to grow any sort of muscle.
One of the biggest downsides to online coaching is that your coach isn’t there in person to push you. How hard you push yourself is your responsibility. You’re already putting in the effort to go to the gym – so why waste that effort by stopping short of where real progress happens?
If you want real results, you need to train like it. If you don’t give your muscles a reason to adapt, they won’t. So, how does it work?
the boring science part – why training to (or close to) failure builds muscle
Muscle growth (hypertrophy) happens when your muscles experience enough mechanical tension and fatigue to force adaptation. But not all reps contribute equally.
At the start of a set, your body recruits small, low-effort muscle fibres (slow-twitch). As the set continues and fatigue builds, your body brings in the big, high-threshold muscle fibres (fast-twitch) – the ones with the most potential for growth.
If you stop too early, those fibres never fully engage, meaning your muscles have no reason to grow.
the 3 science-backed drivers of muscle growth are:
- mechanical tension – lifting heavy loads with high effort forces muscles to adapt.
- muscle damage – controlled stress on muscle fibres (especially during slow eccentrics) signals the body to repair and grow stronger.
- metabolic stress – that burning sensation? It’s caused by a build-up of metabolites that contribute to muscle growth.
All three of these are maximised when you train close to failure.
so… let's put it in layman’s terms – why do you need to push yourself?
Think of your muscles like employees at a job.
- If the workload is too easy, only the lazy employees (slow-twitch fibres) show up.
- If the workload gets tough, the strong employees (fast-twitch fibres) step in.
- If you quit too early, the strongest employees never even get involved.
Your goal in the gym? Make the strongest workers do their job. And that only happens if you push your sets close to failure.
the two biggest barriers we see holding clients back
1. fear of failure (which is silly)
At Own, we love the saying "you succeed or you learn" – because failure isn’t something to avoid in life, it’s something that teaches you and pushes you forward. But we’ve noticed that people who fear failure in real life, often bring that same mindset into the gym. They hesitate at the thought of failing a lift, as if it’s something to be ashamed of.
But here’s the thing, regardless of how you feel about failure in other aspects of your life – failure in the gym is the one place you should welcome it with open arms. It’s not something to fear; it’s the key to progress. Every time you push to failure, you’re forcing your muscles to adapt and grow. Yet so many people stop too soon because they’re afraid of:
- The discomfort of real effort.
- Not hitting a set rep target.
- Looking weak in front of others (tbh, you should be more worried about looking like you're not even pushing yourself).
But none of these things matter. Your muscles don’t care about your fear or your ego – they only respond to effort. The sooner you embrace failure, the sooner you’ll start seeing real results. If you’re afraid of failure, you should actually be way more afraid of leaving the gym knowing you could have done more.
2. ego about reps (which is also silly)
If your program says 12 reps and you 'fail' (cannot complete another rep if you tried) on the last rep at rep 10, that’s not bad – that’s success. Reps are just a guide. Failure is the goal. If you stop at 12 but could have done 15... you just left progress on the table. Your muscles don’t count reps – they only respond to effort. Think of your muscles like robots – they only understand yes or no to the question: "Do we need to go and adapt after that?"
Now obviously, if your coach has programed you 12 reps and you select a weight that means you’re failing at just 3 or 4 reps, that’s an indication that that weight is probably too heavy. That’s where ego lifting (massive ick) comes in – when you pick a weight that’s too heavy just to say you lifted it, rather than actually working the target muscle through its full range with proper control. Throwing weights around with bad form doesn’t maximise muscle growth or strength, and it increases your risk of injury. Muscle growth and training to failure or "pushing yourself" isn’t just about the number on the bar/ DB/ machine – it’s also about how well you move it.
You don’t only have to push yourself using heavy weights. You can use pauses, holds, tempo, drop sets, and partials to help you get there too. Everything your coach programs for you is just aiding you in getting to failure – the real key to making progress.
P.S. – This is where protein comes in.
Protein’s job is to repair and rebuild muscle tissue that’s been broken down during intense training. When you train close to failure, you create the stimulus that tells your muscles, “We need to grow stronger/ bigger to handle this next time.”
Protein helps facilitate that process by providing the necessary building blocks to repair and strengthen muscle fibres. But without that stimulus from pushing yourself to the limit, no amount of protein will get your muscles to adapt the way they need to. It’s the combination of training hard and fueling properly that drives real growth.
the fix? – train like you mean it
The moment a set starts to feel difficult is the exact moment most people stop. But those are the reps that matter most.
The easy reps just get you to the point where real growth happens. Stopping when it gets hard is like quitting a marathon at the last kilometre – you did all the work but didn’t cross the finish line!
If you actually want results, you need to train with real intensity. Here’s how:
- If you don't know what failure feels like, how will you know what 1-3 reps shy feels like? Test your limits – a couple of times a week depending on how often you train, take a set to true true failure (a.k.a - you physically cannot complete another rep despite resisting for longer than 3 seconds) - so you remind yourself what 1–3 reps shy actually feels like.
- Use effort cues – ask yourself:
- Are my reps slowing down on their own?
- Does my face look like I’m trying to push out a baby?
- Would I bet $100 I can’t do another rep?
- Film your sets – most people quit way too early without realising it.
- Stop caring about exact rep counts – the goal is to fail within the target range, not to hit an arbitrary number.
to summarise – don’t leave the gym with regret
Walking out of the gym knowing you had more to give is the worst feeling. Don’t let that be you.
Next time you're at the gym, ask yourself:
am I actually pushing to my limits, or just stopping when it gets uncomfortable?
The people who see real results aren’t the ones chasing numbers or reps, lifting weights too heavy (ego lifting), or worrying about what others think in the gym. They’re the ones who leave their egos at the door and chase the real hard work. The work that is hard, uncomfortable, and makes you wonder if you’ll even be able to complete the rep you’re about to attempt.
Because at the end of the day, your muscles do not understand our flawed human ego or fears. All your muscles understand is if you worked hard enough or not.